A German lawyer recently wrote to ask for my help as he negotiates a position at another New York law school:

As I have never worked in the US, there are some practical things I would like to know so that I have some idea about what to ask for in the negotiations… regarding taxes, health insurance, etc.?

I was happy to oblige. But minutes into our conversation I realized I had absolutely no advice about job negotiations — I’ve never negotiated a position. Even this year, as for the first time I have been in a position of not-exactly-groveling, I find myself unable to ask my kindly employers for anything.

I did, however, take steps to put myself in a powerful bargaining position, in the event that I could work up the courage to not-exactly-grovel. (And maybe ask for a smartphone? Mebbe? Please?) (Oh, ok. I mean, it’s totally unnecessary. Just a sign of our decadent times, really.)

Combing listings on Idealist.org (from my computer, not my phone), I applied for other jobs — some great jobs, a few for which I was qualified. I even told my employer about an interview I’d scored at a rival program. But once said-interview was over, I despaired to a mentor: I wouldn’t feel morally right about leaving my current position, even if I don’t receive a raise or a promotion. I’d feel like I was leaving my kindly employers in the lurch, like I was ditching my dorky friend at the mall, like I was the take-take-take with no give.

Loyalty, mentor said, is a one-way street. Too true, but I’m afraid to take the detours.

It's not a long and wending road, that's for sure. Attribution: Slightlynorth (Flickr, 2007)

I’m superstitious that if I leave a job, my next employer will be the cranky unpredictable monster that everyone’s always warning of — the kind of nightmare employer some friends have, to their continually vocalized regret. And I’ll take the certainty of kindness over the possibility of monster+perks.

It turns out that I won’t be getting a raise or promotion after all. When I told my mother the news, she chided me: your boss called your bluff, now you better get going.

Probably. But there’s no guarantee that the next one-way Loyalty St. will lead to someplace better.

About this contributor:  Naureen Shah is a writer, researcher and legal advocate focusing on international human rights issues. Read more from this contributor